How to stop insecurities from holding you back

Overcoming your insecurities and changing your beliefs will see you achieve sustainable success in all aspects of life, says Jaemin Frazer.

Jaemin is one of the world’s leading voices on personal insecurity, specialising in helping leaders, entrepreneurs, business owners and other ambitious people maintain self-mastery.

The highly regarded life coach told KnowHow founder Bushy Martin on the Get Invested podcast that insecurities are often people’s greatest enemy.

“People suffer greatly and unnecessarily because of unresolved insecurity … people’s insecurities are their biggest limitations and inhibitors, in both business and life in general,” Jaemin said.

“Insecurity unaddressed leads to madness. It’s all that can happen. It weakens us significantly and causes all kinds of dysfunction.

“I think most people are not aware that their enemy is insecurity. They see pain in their life and where they see the pain, that’s what they think the problem is … and that’s where they invest their time, energy and focus. But a bit of gentle enquiry would reveal that’s just a symptom of a deeper issue.

“I think the people who make the biggest contribution will do so from a place of deep security. They do so from a place of presence with nothing to prove, nothing to defend. And that’s always been so magic when I see that. I find it so compelling and I want that for myself and I want that for others.”

He says tackling your insecurities is ‘high stakes’ and need to be addressed early on to ensure you’re successful in all ventures.

“The longer you leave it, the harder it is to change because we’re evidence gathering machines and I’m sure we’re all familiar with people late in their life whose insecurity has embodied every cell in their body,” Jaemin said.

Jaemin says the key is to take responsibility for the role you play in your insecurities, so you can then make positive changes. Part of these changes is to eliminate the beliefs and thoughts that cause you pain, and replace them with new beliefs.

“The moment you understand that the problem is your opinion of yourself, well then you’ve got a way of solving it,” Jaemin revealed.

“[You need] to practise 100% responsibility … you are the one writing the story. And you can write some new stories. You can deconstruct those old ones, go back and review the data, explore those opinions, find out where the gaps were and the holes and brighten your opinions.”

It may sound daunting, but Jaemin provided listeners with seven practices to breaking down your insecurities and achieving great personal growth.

“So practise one, step into the light. Two is responsibility. Three is stop the pain. All change or deep lasting change comes from a point of great pain. So people who change things actually stop and do an accurate assessment of the impact of unresolved insecurity in their life,” he said.

“Four is the other side of motivation. Because if it’s just a pain avoidance strategy, the moment you make change and the pain dies down, so does the motivation. You’ve also got to have a moving towards strategy, not just a moving away.

“So, practice four is to have a compelling life vision. I had a vision for what I wanted. That gave me a reason to do the hard work. It gave me a reason to change my story. A reason to walk into fear, a reason to confront an underlying limiting belief.

“Practise five is to get help from someone who doesn’t care about you. You’re going to need to seek out a wisdom character … it turns out we need help. And so that’s really important to realise. You can’t just do it on your own because you need objectivity. You need wisdom. You need someone who can hold the space for you.”

“Then practice six is go be the hero. So at some point, the hero is actually going to go do the thing that they’re most afraid of. So in the context of insecurity, at some point you’ve got to go face this deep fear … which is your own opinion of yourself.”

Jaemin says this step is critical in helping you establish self-belief.

“It’s just like the Wizard of Oz – it’s all smoke and mirrors because you’ve always been enough. But no one can tell you that, you’re going to find that out yourself,” Jaemin said.

“[You need to] fully deconstruct all the opinions, all the agreements or the stories or the beliefs you formed about yourself throughout your life. So there’s some work to do. And it’s honest, hard work and beautiful work going back and just analysing the data of your life and reviewing the meaning and stories.

He said once you’ve made it through this self-discovery journey, the seventh and final step is to rewrite your story.

But with every new pathway in life comes new hurdles, and applying these seven steps is a constant exercise you need to keep working on.

“It is entirely possible to solve insecurity at your current level of growth and to show up unhindered where you are …however, the natural implication of that is you will move forward, you’ll take new territory and you’ll move into new levels of uncertainty, which will uncover new levels of insecurity,” Jaemin said.

“So that’s no problem because it just means the same seven practises that got you unhindered the last level of growth will be the same set of practises you use again.”

Jaemin believes overcoming your insecurities can see anyone achieve sustainable success, especially because ‘you are your own greatest asset’.

“The investment you make in your own life, that’ll be the thing that pays the biggest dividends … that is something that I think about very deeply, to keep growing who I am as a person and to invest in my own growth and development as the number one priority here.”

Listen to the full interview here.

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